In Sickness and Health
by Your Silver Lining
Summary: In which Near gives Mello the flu and Mello is out for revenge. But when they finally spend some time alone, what could we expect other than chaos, right? Mello x Near


_**In Sickness and Health**_

**Genre: **Romance/Humor

**Pairing: **Mello X Near

**Rating: **T for swearing, sexual themes and eggplants

**Warnings: **OOC, Major crack and makes no sense

**Summary: **Near was unfortunate enough to give Mello the influenza. And both of them will learn some new things about each other when they are forced to spend some time alone.

**Dedication:** For Forbiddensoul562. HAPPY EARLY BIRTDHAY!!!

**FTOYWGAD:** MUHAHAHA! I'm back from "Twist" and not better than ever. So this started out as a few sentences of random MxN thoughts and turned into a 5K word monster! Happy early B'day Nia! I did this early because I know that I'm gonna forget to write something on your birthday. Ya know, I think I should make this a tradition. Always write something on Mello's and Nia's B'day. Yup, got it.

Enjoy! ...Or not. If you wanna be mean about it.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Death Note. But I do own some eggplants. ^^

* * *

_(Mello and Matt's Room in The Wammy House)_

Everyone's sick. _Everyone._

Okay, maybe just Mello. But if he was sick and suffering, everyone should be sick and suffering. That was his theory. But no. Everyone else was outside happy and merry, playing with all the snow around them.

Everyone except Mello. He was inside, under a ton of sheets with a hot pack on his head. He wanted to be outside too dammit! It wasn't fair. Winter was his time of the year. It even had his birthday in it.

The blond slowly moved his head toward his window. Everyone outside was screeching and having snowball fights.

What made everything worse, the icing on the shitty cake, the final touch to Mello's misery was the part where Near was involved. You see, last week, Mello and Near got into a little argument that resulted in Mello mauling the white boy in the middle of the hallway. What he didn't know was that Near was sick. He was kept isolated in his room the entire time so that no one would get his germs. Unfortunately, Mello had been in a bad mood and Near just happened it be in the way.

According to Matt, Mello was being a plain old bully. Mello hit him on the head for that. But since all the midterms have been finished the kids got a winter break. And Mello didn't get a chance to enjoy it all because of Near.

Mello spied Matt on the other side of the room sleeping on his bed, snoring away like he didn't have both his nostrils clogged up with mucus and phlegm. Not only was the boy totally ignorant of the rampaging blond within a spitting distance of him, but he was also having blissful dreams about eggplants. Eggplants!

He strode over to his so called "best friend" who had been everything but, and said, "Matt."

Said redhead moaned and made salivating sounds that were too much for virgin ears.

The older boy pulled a face and poked his friend, hard, in the ribs. "Matt," he hissed.

Mello felt himself getting deflowered by just heard the horrid noises that that had caused.

The dangerous and now slightly disgusted blond watched with curious eyes as the redhead fingered his pillow and started sucking on it, moaning. He giggled.

Deciding that he wanted to keep his sanity for a while longer, and that he was also hungry as hell, Mello fled his shared room (giving the kids outside, playing one last leer), and speed-walked to the kitchen. He knew that the cook would be out today buying ingredients such as ground beef and salsa for tacos. At Christmas time. He was just about to sneak into the refrigerator and maybe get himself some good chocolate cake left over from Linda's birthday yesterday, when he ran smack into a pair of very ugly and lose-fitting trousers.

"Well, well, Mello. You shouldn't be out here," Rodger said. "You might get the other students sick."

Mello suddenly wished he had acid spit. It would have been funny to watch Rodger's horror as he spit in his eye and saw the eyeball fizz and melt from it's eye socket. It took all his might and self-control to not spit in his eye anyway.

"I was hungry," the blond muttered, trying to stifle a sniffle.

The old man's lips stretched into a frighteningly horrible smile that looked more like a grimace.

_What the fuck is that wedged in his teeth...eeeeeww, it's last weeks spinach._

"Well, you should have told me so. I could have sent Blanca to fix something up for you."

"She's not in today," Mello effortlessly replied and then quickly realized his mistake.

"How do you know she's not here today?" The elder man asked.

"I STALKED HER ON TWITTER!" Mello screamed defensively. It was a known fact that Mello didn't like being doubted even if he was lying.

"Normally I would let someone as sick as you to got to the kitchen alone but quite frankly, I don't trust you, Mello." Rodger replied not phased by the outburst at all. This caused Mello to get angrier. Not only was he now sick but he didn't even have rights to his own food.

And just because the Gods hate Mello, they allowed Near to scuffle into the hallway.

"Ah Near, what a wonderful time to show up."

Mello could have sworn he saw Rodger's do a mini happy dance when he thought he wasn't looking.

The poor boy looked like a deer caught in headlights. Mello tried his best to glare him into a pool of albino goo. It would have worked if he was looking his way. Mello was still sore from the giant coughing fit he had the night before. Matt had to stay up all night pounding him on the back (no, not like that you perverts) and giving him water. Even now he still felt jet lagged. Still, Mello wondered. If he had to go through all this, have Matt's help and still feel like crap, how must have Near felt going through this without anyone to be there for him. If Mello wasn't so concentrated on incinerating Near using his imaginary eye-flame-thrower, he would have almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

He was clad in his usual garb, Mello noticed. He almost scoffed at the twerp's outfit until he realized that his own wasn't all that different either. He was just wearing a plain long-sleeved black shirt with black pajama pants. He really wasn't a pretty sight either. His hair didn't have that particular sheen of sun-gold, his cheeks were an embarrassing shade of crimson that made him look like blushing bride and his permanent scowl didn't help either. Near on the other hand looked as pale as ever, his hand was unconsciously twirling a lock of soft looking white hair and his looked like molten mercury rather than the foreboding shade of a storm cloud. Suddenly he was very conscious of the unruly strand of hair that refused to fall into place like it usually did. Near's hair look particularly nice today – whoa, he really _was_ sick.

"...and see to it that he doesn't get out of his room."

Mello finally snapped out of his momentary speculation to look and absorb what was happening. Near gave a slight nod to whatever Rodger had told him and shuffled over to where Mello stood. Rodger gave them one last glance before finally left the premise.

Here was a heavy tension in the air. Near stared at the ground intensely like he was trying to calculate the first 400 digits of pi. Mello would have liked nothing better than to grab the twit and beat the life out of him. But for some reason he couldn't bring himself to. It was like Near was slowly raping his mind.

Mello sniffed, which seemed to bring Near out of his zoning out. Suddenly, he began tugging on Mello's sleve.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" With a very rough shove Mello pushed the albino off himself. The poor boy practically flew off Mello' s person and lay in a crumpled mess a few feet across from the blond. Mello tried to attempt a maniacal/sadistic laugh at the boy's misery but instead choked on an oncoming sneeze and began wheezing violently.

Immediately, as if pulled by a magnetic force, Near was at Mello's side patting him gently on the back, eventually easing his choking. As soon as the older boy regained his composure, he stared at the albino in utter disbelief.

"Are you alright?" The small boy asked in a low, soft voice.

Mello had yet to shut his mouth.

"Flies can go in if you keep doing that," Near said with a hint of amusement.

Mello immediately closed his mouth and abruptly stood up, causing his head to become even dizzier than it was before. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He sneered. This wasn't good. Near was usually useless when it came to these sort of things. That being, Mello harassing him. Normally, he would just take whatever beating he would receive and be on his way. Sometimes, he'd even stay longer than necessary, as if he were taunting Mello to abuse him further. That masochistic bastard. However, this time, he had actually put his personal pain aside and came over to Mello to ask him if he was fucking alright. It was like a slap in the face with a hot iron. Who does that?

_The fucking _nerve_ of that twit!_

"I am merely doing as Rodger instructed me to do." The fair child dusted invisible specks of dirt from his pants and began playing with his hair again.

Mello cocked his head to the side. _What the hell did he tell him to do? _Mello mentally chided himself to pay better attention next time. "And what exactly is that?" Mello huffed, folding his arms and standing upright so that he towered over Near. He swayed just a little as he felt a migraine coming on.

_Fucking flu!_

Near slightly raised his eyebrows but began to reply anyway at the strange question.

"Rodger told me to take you to your room and never let you out of my sight," the child recited monotonously. "He also made me promise to tend to your every need, seeing as you are sick." He smiled a little at that, probably reveling in the fact that there were after all some physical thing that he could do that Mello could not.

His small smile suddenly disappeared as Mello's sadistic smirk slowly made itself known on his face.

_So Near gets to be my personal slave for the time being, huh? Rodger, this is your best worst plan yet._

The blond had to refrain himself from laughing like a madman. Oh, all the things he could make Near do for putting him in this state.

Near suddenly felt a cold chill run down his spine. He felt a heavy atmosphere fall upon him as Mello looked at him like a predator would look at it's prey. It was always like this with Mello. He would always be the one to take the initiative and Near would always be the one to take it. It wasn't as if Near had been _looking _for Mello that day. It wasn't as if he _meant _to give him his flu.

And as if struck by an epiphany, Near suddenly realized that he could finally take a little control in this scenario with Mello being sick and all. Not to mention, Rodger had also said to never let the boy out of his sight. That meant he was responsible for the ill boy. Which meant he would have to look after him. Which meant he would have somewhat of an authority. Near gave in to the gentle tug of his lips and produced a small smile, yet again.

Clearly, both of them had very different views as in who was going to get the advantage in this circumstance.

Mello frowned at the albino's smile.

_What the hell is he smiling for? Does he not know what he just got himself into?_

Mello huffed. "Lead the way, sheep."

And for good measure, he tripped Near at the stairs, sending the boy flying down.

* * *

_(Back in Mello and Matt's Room in The Wammy House) _

"I don' t think that's a good idea, Mello," Near informed, his voice muffled for he was holding his reddening nose. Falling down a flight of stairs tended to hurt the victim's face. Mello made a mental not to do that more often as he made his way through the horrendous swampland Matt called his room. He finally reached Matt's side of the room and roughly kicked him aside. The redhead groaned as he hit the floor but never awoke from his eggplant wet-dream.

Mello, wasting no time at all, plopped himself on the bed which was slightly more elevated than his own because of Matt's abundance of games underneath it.

Near watched as Mello tried to cross his legs in an authoritative manner but failed miserably because of his lack of balance in his state. He almost found it … adorable? Mello smiled triumphantly when he got it right. Near pondered his thoughts when Mello finally noticed him staring and scowled. Near found himself to be disappointed. He rather liked the blond's smile.

He wondered what Mello would do if he found out what he was thinking right now.

Mello kept scowling at the white haired boy. What the hell was he staring at anyway? Annoyed at how little he knew about the him, Mello frowned. He frowned even more when he found himself thinking more and more about the pale person.

Totally confused by his thoughts, Mello decided to carry out his earlier plan for Near.

"So Near, Rodger told you to tend to my every need." He smirked when he thought of where this was going to go.

"...yes." Near replied second-guessing himself on the thoughts he had previously about how he had authority over Mello.

"Go bring me some chocolate." Mello commanded. He knew for sure that he would have to get him some chocolate. It Rodger had ordered him to be Mello's slave, Near would obey him without question. To his surprise however, the small boy shook his head.

"He ordered me not to give you anything that you cannot handle by yourself."

Over the years, Mello had learned not to be surprised by Near's strange comments but it was hard not to gape at him when he said that statement.

"What do you mean can't handle?!" Mello yelled. "I eat chocolate all the time! For fuck's sake, I'm the king of all that is chocolate –"

"It is not suitable for treating the flu," Near replied blankly.

Mello scowled at him and looked ready to pounce on Near.

"Rodger told me to keep in your room by whatever means possible," Near said carefully, "I'll go get you some soup from the kitchen."

With that, Near speed-shuffled out of the horrendous room.

Mello just stared at the blank spot where Near stood not too long ago. After a few moments he immediately said out loud, "What the fuck?" And no doubt, his face was in total WTF mood.

Matt chose that moment to wake up from his eggplant dream and groggily looked up at Mello who was now on his bed. "Merro...whaddya doin'..." Matt trailed off when he noticed Mello's face.

"Oh, shit. It's your WTF face!" The gamer quickly scrambled off the ground and ran to his best friend's side. "Mello? Mello, speak to me!" He waved his hand in front of the blond face but didn't get a reaction. He shook the blond by his shoulders and Mello's head flailed back and forth.

"Mels say something, anything!" Matt took off his goggles and cleared his throat. He began to sing the theme song to Super Mario Brothers.

"Da da da, da dadada da da da dada – "

"MATT SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"Yay, you're in your STFU mood now!" Matt happily clapped his friend on the shoulder. "You'll never _believe_ the dream I just had. There was this eggplant – "

Right then, the door opened revealing a miffed Near holding a bowl of soup. He looked ridiculous holding that thing.

If Mello's sense of humor wasn't taking a holiday, he would have laughed. Of course that didn't stop Matt from bursting into his signature hic-up laughing.

"Oh-hic-that's rich!" He wiped a tear from his cheek. Then as if hit by a realization, he said, "Wait, what are you doing here? No, Near, run! Run, man run! Mello's going to – "

"Eat this soup," Near replied walking over to Mello's bedside.

"Oh, I see what's going on," Matt said slyly. He looked at Mello who was unlucky enough to catch his eye. "I see, Mello's gonna get some. You're gonna tap that aren't you?" Matt motioned to Near's rear, who blushed excessively. Matt continued, "Bow chicka wow wow, chicka wow – OW! Meeeelloooo, that hurt." Matt rubbed the part of his head where Mello had hit him with his own bed lamp. The gamer glanced outside where the children were still playing. His eyes brightened. He gave Mello a knowing look. You know _that_ look. (see Movie Moment Mode) With that last action, he sprinted out their room, completely ignoring Mello's protests and Near's flushed face. Mello knew that Matt hated going outside. He only did that so that his best friend would be alone with his worst enemy. Yup, makes perfect sense.

Mello suddenly wanted to listen to Matt's eggplant story. But alas, he was left alone with Near. To be honest, he didn't trust himself to be alone with the boy.

"Here." Near offered Mello the soup.

Mello stared at it. He didn't know what to do. If he took it, Near might get the idea that he is going to get along with him. But if he doesn't Rodger is going to be on his case again. Deciding his pride could vacation with his sense of humor, Mello took the bowl of soup.

Or at least he would have if his hands weren't missing. Mello finally "found" them underneath his legs where he unconsciously sat on. How the hell did they get there anyway?

"What the fuck is this? I can't feel my hands!" To make his point Mello flapped his hands around.

Near stared curiously at them. Then he formed a small, almost sadistic smile. "So that means I have to feed you, Mello."

Mello whipped his head up way too fast, and suddenly his head like it was going to split in two. He moaned and clutched his way too hot forehead. The migraine finally made itself known.

Mello, who had never experienced a headache so bad, dramatically fell off the bed and successfully pinned Near to the floor. The poor, unsuspecting soup went flying out the window to drop it's scalding liquids on top of a certain red-haired gamer.

"FUUUUCCKK, MELLO!"

But Mello couldn't care for anything in the world right now as all his common sense flew out the window with the soup. For some reason, instead of scrambling back up onto his bed and telling Near to go screw himself for almost molesting him, and then moving on to beating the daylight out of the boy … Mello stayed where he was. Completely still. On top of Near. Who was also still. None of them moved.

Surprisingly, Mello forgot all about his migraine as he looked deep into Near's eyes. Damn. They were like liquid silver. Were they always like that? And what was up with his hair? Why did Mello suddenly feel like running his hands through those curly locks? And since when were his lips so pink? Mello began wondering how soft those lips really were. He was suddenly envious of the food that touched those lips. Maybe if he leaned in enough –

_OMG, he really did rape my mind._

Meanwhile, Near was having an internal argument of his own. Mello always was attractive. Near wasn't going to waste time in denying that fact. Everyone in the orphanage thought so. But he never saw himself falling for him. He could only imagine Mello reaction if he found out what he was thinking right now. There was no way these feelings would be mutual, especially after he gave him the flu. Why else would he lean down and –

…

Usually, when people kiss, they flutter their eyes shut and make a small mewing sound. It would be tender and sweet and everything the Powerpuff Girls would be made out of.

Needless to say, Mello's and Near's first kiss was anything but normal.

Mello's eyes shot open when their lips touched and Near made a noise of discomfort and teeth clashed causing them both to wince. And to make things worse, Mello's flu decided to be a douche and chose that exact moment to make him sneeze. And it wasn't just a "achoo" small cute kind of sneeze. Oh, no. This was a super-volcano-tsunami-supernova-OMGWE'REALLGONNADIE- kind of sneeze.

While one should feel sorry for Mello because he sneezed on his first ever kiss with anyone, one can't help but feel Near's mortification radiate off of him. Both boys could only imagine how this entire situation would go over with L if it showed up in their records.

_(imaginary flash-forward)_

"So tell me. What exactly happened?"

"I sneezed in Near's mouth."

_(end imaginary flash-forward)_

Yeah, that would go well.

Anyway, getting back to the said boys.

…

Well, they're still sprawled all over each other.

"Um."

"Er."

Behold. The two most talented members of the Wammy House at their best.

After a few minutes passed, the author got so frustrated at he boys that she mentally gave them a pep talk about sexuality and told them that it was okay to molest each other even at their ripe, young age, Near spoke.

"God bless you."

Mello was brought back to reality with those words. Instead of jumping off the albino and apologizing (because even he knew that sneezing in a person's mouth is wrong and gross), he said, "You believe in God?"

Near, who was actually prepping himself for the beating of the century, opened his eyes slightly and saw genuine curiosity in Mello's eyes. The blond now removed his hands from either side of Near's face and were just dangling awkwardly at the sides.

"Well, I must believe in something."

"Oh."

And a few more minutes dragged on in silence. By that time, the author grew so bored of the plot that she went to the local Starbucks to get her self some Decaf House Blend and let the story go wherever it wants to go.

"Mello," Near started.

Mello looked back down from the stain on the opposite wall which he was staring at for the past few minutes. They've both been avoiding each other eyes until now.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry I gave you the flu."

"Oh." Pause. "It's okay."

Silence.

"Hey, Near."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry I sneezed in your mouth."

At that, Near smirked a little.

Mello frowned at that.

"What the hell is so funny?" He demanded.

"You've never apologized for your actions before."

True dat.

"Well, this is different. It was going really well and then I ruined it," Mello defended.

"I'd hardly describe that mouth surprise attack as 'going well,'" Near responded truthfully.

"Yeah, well, whatever," Mello mumbled.

"You know, Mello," Near said slowly, "we could always try it again. And if we get it wrong, we can try it again."

_Is he...is he trying to pick me up?_

_Oh no, Mello looks angry._ Near thought.

And without words, Mello leaned down again, giving into whatever it was the white sheep was trying and touched his lips to the others.

Immediately there was a reaction. Slowly, Near closed his eyes and Mello followed suit. It really was better with the eyes closed. Mello's hands traveled south grabbing at Near's clothing, desperately trying to get any skin at all. He finally found the hem of his pajamas and snaked his hand to Near's chest. The younger boy gasped giving Mello enough time to take advantage of the small open mouth to slide his tongue inside.

Near made a noise that was a combination of a mewl and a moan. He clutched the scruff of Mello's collar and inched his way into his soft golden locks. Their mouths molded together in harmony as Mello explored the cavern of Near's mouth that tasted of his intoxicating scent.

Pretty soon, both of them were holding onto each other and groping whatever piece of the other person they could find. The entire room was filled with sound of lips smacking and moans. Mello would have melted at how embarrassing the entire scene would have looked to an outsider but at the moment, he couldn't stop himself. He newborn lust for Near seemed like it was never going to be satiated. However, seeing that Near's lungs were smaller than Mello's, the lack of air soon became a problem. The small boy make as small whimper and Mello reluctantly pulled back.

With his eyes were half-lidded, breath coming in short puffs and cheeks flushed, Mello wondered why he never thought of doing this before. He had _thirteen_ years to do this. Man, had he been missing out.

Suddenly Mello smirked. He finally got a reaction from the albino. Who knew you'd have to this far to do it. He hadn't noticed it a few moments ago but that's what he'd always wanted. And suddenly it didn't even matter. All that mattered was that he had Near.

Finally, Mello got tired of sitting on top of Near and laid back down his head resting in the crook of the other boy's neck. His arms found themselves around Near's trim hips as Near intertwined his fingers with those of Mello's.

"Mello," Near said, still catching up with his breath.

"Yeah?"

"Remember how I said I was sorry I gave you the flu?"

Mello pulled a face. "Yeaahh..." He said slowly.

"I take it back," Near said curtly, "if I hadn't, _this_ wouldn't have happened."

Mello smiled as he looked at rival. "Well, I'm still sorry about sneezing."

"Yes. So, you are in debt to me."

"What?" Mello rolled over so that he was back on top. "What do you mean 'in debt'?"

"I mean this," and Near grabbed the blond's head and crushed their lips once more.

Mello smiled evilly against Near's lips and continued to ravish him. And he would have too it it weren't for a small gasp/choke/hic-up originating from the door.

"Hahaha! IknewitIknewitIknewitIknewitIknewitIknewit!" Matt rushed from the door right next to the mass of bodies and clothes that were Mello and Near.

The blond looked up from his perfect make-out session and glared at the redhead. "Get out, Matt."

Matt stopped mid-way from his tirade one how he "totally saw this coming" and spared his beset friend a glance. "But our food maker person came back from the grocery store and she's gonna make something with eggplants! Coincidence, I think not. I think we should blow them up in Rodgers face just to see what would happen." Matt grinned. It soon faltered though and his face took on a smirk. "Unless...you'd rather be fu–"

"GET OUT!"

"Okay, okay..." Matt raised his hands in a defending position and started backing out of the room.

If Mello was gonna reject _chocolate_ for this, then Matt wasn't going to get in the way. He _so_ saw that coming.

Mello watched Matt disappear from view and even waited until his footsteps faded away. He turned back to Near. "So, where were we?"

"You had your hand down my trousers and your tongue was having a field day with my tonsil," Near replied monotonously.

"Oh, yeah."

"Mello, a few hours ago, I would have never accepted to being your caretaker."

"A few hours ago, I would have loved to pound your face into dust."

Near winced at the vulgarity. Mello noticed and tucked one silver curl back into his ear. "But not anymore," Mello whispered as he pressed his forehead to Near's.

And they continued and continued until it was finally night and they were both so tired they had to ask Matt to tuck them in right on the floor.

* * *

_(Rodger's Office)_

"Hmmm...why do I have this irking feeling that I'm forgetting something," Rodger mused. He quickly got over that though and continued to look like he was doing something important when he really was doing absolutely nothing of importance.

* * *

_(Epilogue)_

Anyone who happened to be in the cafeteria the day after Mello's and Near's, um, discovery, would have looked out of place if their jaw wasn't on the floor. Even Rodger's looked sung and comfortable on the linoleum floor.

Mello and Near walked in together, hand in hand, Matt by their side (who's hands were occupied with eggplants for reasons unfathomable). The students, surprisingly, went back to normal as most of them probably saw that coming as well. Mello took care to glare at anyone who gave them a disapproving look, including Rodger. And he was able to do so with his full power, seeing that he recovered from his illness. Apparently a high dosage of Near was like Tylenol to the 10th power.

And from then on, the trio was never seen apart, even in sickness and health.

* * *

**FTOYWGAD:** Ah, man. This really did come out like crap. Too much crack, no plot, out of character ...don't look at me! Sorry Nia....

Thanks for reading and please review!

~Silver


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